You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We have so much sex to catch up on
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize