I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
