It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
