If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
