based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
