Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
