woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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