he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
