Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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