there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
