you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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