on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
