Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
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he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
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She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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