When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
