I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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