wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
