Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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