That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
