Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
