Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
