"it" just moved
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
