I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
