Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
