I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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