my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Sober January is a disaster.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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