Don't you send me to vm
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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