Just fell off a train. Bad.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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