We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
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She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
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At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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