There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
