covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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