I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
