i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
