Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
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Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
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Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
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