he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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