Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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