erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
