About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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