Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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