Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
