she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
where am i from again
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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