My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
