just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
