My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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