It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
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I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
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So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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