I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
