Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
