I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
