$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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