oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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