the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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