I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
