I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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