Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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