I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
