You smell like a Billy Joel song
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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