he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
