I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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