Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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