i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I see more hoeing in ur future
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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