dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
