1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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