your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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