I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize
