I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
