you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
