theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
