Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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