I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
