I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
