im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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