Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
