"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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