I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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