literally had 100 drinks last night.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
